Fiction

[lightrobber]

Title: Virtual Reality
Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Characters/Pairings: Yami no Bakura, Kaiba Noa
Rating: PG+
Warnings: None. Worksafe.
Summary: Worlds collide.

|| "Is it my appearance that troubles you?" ||



\~*~/


All this time,
We heard,
Alarms,
Come to find,
We fell,
Apart.
This whole thing has crashed down,
Crashed down.
All this time,
We heard,
Alarms.

Comments

[luriko-ysabeth.livejournal.com]

This is delightfully creepy.

As a sidenote, the last sentence is a bit awkward, and I'm not entirely sure what you meant by "As much of a hindrance as it was."

The concept itself is made of awesome. Especially when one considers that much of Egyptian magic consists of learning the names of or assigning names to things and then invoking words of power that call extra spells, which is rather what compiling languages do.

[lightrobber.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I have taken a liking to this pair.

The sentence might be awkward, considering I had no beta for that fic. And now that I look back on it, that phrase would make more sense if moved to the end of the sentence.
But if I haven't mixed up anything, "to hinder" means to stall, to prevent someone from doing something. Hence, "hindrance" would be something that doesn't permit one to do something, at least not to his/her full potential. In this case that would be Bakura's (in)ability to use his shadow powers in virtual reality.

I could have replaced that phrase with "As annoying as it was [for Bakura], but..." BUT then it wouldn't have had the right meaning to it. I'm open to any suggestions on this case, though.


Ye gods, the spelling errors. It's a sure sign that I must go to bed already. =|

clauses in opposition

[luriko-ysabeth.livejournal.com]

No, no, you've used "hindrance" correctly; the thing is that a sentence beginning "As much ___ as something is/are/was" expects that the rest of the sentence will contradict that opening clause. (And the comma after the is/was/are acts as a "but," so putting an extra "but" in looks odd.)

Examples:

As unrestrictive as miniskirts are, I just don't like them.

As much of a disaster as it was, I enjoyed my trip to Hawai`i.

You'd almost need to say something on the order of "As ancient as his mastery of them was, his powers were no use here" and so forth; and while he is being hindered, it is the virtual nature of the world that hinders him from so using them.

(Although here, I'd suggest a different sort of apposition of clauses: "This recent world obeyed none of the laws of the ancient outside, and the powers he had used there for millennia were useless here." You could add that his reliance on them was a hindrance, if you want to imply that he's at a loss when they don't work; it depends on whether you feel his immediate reaction to this, which would probably be as unexpected as his hand suddenly not working after all the time he's had them, would be "oh, crap, plan B?" or "...that's not possible!")

Re: clauses in opposition

[lightrobber.livejournal.com]

I see. Thank you for pointing it out. Otherwise I would've continued making this mistake.