lightrobber: (Mimi | I've got to be honest)
[personal profile] lightrobber
# Contemplating life while walking home from shameless book shopping, which I really shouldn't have done, but damn it, I've been wanting to read them and actually own some of them (some others I bought even though I didn't even know they existed before, but. Cheap. Interesting. Vampirates. IDK, man, I haven't read that one yet and I don't even know why I picked it up in the first place.) for years, even. ONLY TWO BOOKS MISSING FROM MY WISHLIST NOW.
Well, and a lot of manga I wish I owned, but. For as long as their prices are so high. Alas.

# An internal monologue with myself on the subject of dinner: "I want meat. Which is fine and okay. But do I want to cook it? (Remember what happened last time - went up to meat stand, browsed through it, imagined putting a knife to the whole chicken to cut it apart, almost threw up, went for salmon chunks in brine instead.) Yeah. So. Do I want meat?"
Solution: Buy meat anyway and put it in the freezer for indefinite amount of time.

# One of my main commandments: Must stop by the tea shelves. Maybe there's something interesting with discount.
(There - almost - always is.)

# I should probably save this money for something else. My education, for example.
Nah, food it is.

# Another commandment of mine: Always stack up on tea, pasta, bread, groats.

# Youdontneedcandyyoudontneedcandyyoudontneedcandy. Oh, fuck it. I want something disgustingly sweet today.

# ...why is this book marked as discounted on their website, when in the store it's for the full price? >/ I wanted that book two years ago. I should call and ask the ones in charge about this.

# ...except I can't dial out of my phone - I'm past the one month validity term. Damn, I need to renew my credit. (Which is funny, because I always have money on my card and it's always the one or two month validity that expires first.)

# Avocado is the first thing in the world to actually creep me out. Why? a) it tastes like a certain kind of (raw) meat, b) its stone is heart-shaped (the actual muscle, not the ~romantic cutesy design), and c) the stone actually bleeds blood red when cut or bruised (and it also tastes like raw meat despite smelling like fir needles - I bit into it accidentally on purpose). I ate my first avocado in life today, and for whatever incomprehensible reason my brain decided/translated it as eating human-turned-fruit thing. I should probably use this premise for a story or something, ffs.
Creeped out. For the first time in life. At the age of 25. Congrats, you weird green fruit. =|

# I paid less for rent (what with the debt I had) than expected. Fuck yesssss. But the earth gas prices are going up again, so the price will climb. Fuck this government. Fuck this world.

# Apparently, we had a country-wide UFO sighting some days ago. Or a bolide, if we believe scientists. Big scary white flash for 3 seconds, in any case. (I missed it. I was sleeping. Would've been fun to see, though.)

# Mom is away in the countryside for unknown amount of time. (Biggest) Part of me hopes she never comes back.

# Figures. Summer comes, and I'm plant-obsessed again. I've been checking ads and hey. Some people sell some interesting stuff for good prices.

# alksjfkdsjaf I FOUND A BEAUTIFUL REPRODUCTION OF A CHINESE PAINTER'S WORK. AND IT'S... UNBELIEVABLY CHEAP, ACTUALLY, AS FAR AS ARTWORKS USUALLY GO. SELF-LOATHING MODE - ON.

# My printer is still fucked up. It refuses to recognise the colour ink cartridge. I think I bought a damaged one (as there's only blue and black ink showing on the test page it printed), but I don't have the check anymore, so I can't go back to them and complainnnn. *woe*

# I'll get some money from a coworker for translating most of her Bachelor's paper. DAMN IT SO ENVIOUS ABOUT THIS. I'VE BEEN DELAYED IN MY EDUCATION-GETTING FOR FAR TOO LONG. D: But YAY, EXTRA POCKET MONEY!

# I hate how loaded the shelves are with Twatlight shit.
But I also lol at the fact that it brought along some - maybe, I don't really know, don't usually read that type of fiction, except for fanfiction (and that's usually pretty bad) - quality vampire and fantasy fiction, which was something you could barely find anywhere in Latvia before. Foreign literature? Consisted mostly of documentaries, art, classics, and crime/horror/detective/adventure books. Classy, bookstores, classy. Apparently we r srs neishun, judging by this.
I don't know what has to happen for anime/manga to receive more attention, though, because up to this point I've only seen a few titles of it here - Princess Ai, Bizenghast, World of Warcraft... and that's it, iirc. Though I've heard there might be something else in one shopping mall for hideous prices, unsurprisingly enough. (Sure, we had an actual anime/manga store, but it was tiny and was always going bankrupt and moving places to the point it became a quest of "Find the anime shop", and I don't think they're renting anything atm. I think, in fact, that their site hasn't been put up yet ever since it went down a year or so ago. But maybe I'm wrong about that one.)

# I keep looking back at that avocado stone, feeling ~uneasy. akdhfkdsf I think it just changed its colour to a more skin-like tone. And now the cuts I made into it look like clotted blood. D:

# I HAD SOME ICON SETS TO MAKE THAT ARE DUE SOMETIME SOON, I SHOULD PROBABLY GO WORK ON THAT.

# And for KHR fans on my list - there's a fun challenge comm [livejournal.com profile] write_and_run that's on its first round atm. Go take a look? It has some nice fic submitted.


# A few days ago I received an odd letter. Which, I'll just quote for convenience's sake:

"Dear Laura

Hi how are you. I am Kamil from London. I am English teacher. I will come to Riga/ Latvia for holiday in June and also I will have some business there. I will stay for almost one month. I had a friend in Riga but she is now in Germany. I do not want to be alone there. I need a friend who speaks a little English to go out together to restaurant, opera, cinema , restaurants, nature, shopping, social, etc I am interested in companionship and friendship and having good time. It is not about sex. But I want you to stay with me in hotel or apartment. I can cook good international meals too! I can also teach you English and bring you simple English stories and language books. I know you need to give up your time or work for me, So I pay for this. I will pay you fifty euros for each day you stay with me and of course I will pay for all other expenses. You can stay with me for one week or more because I may also travel to Tallinn. You are welcome if you wish to come with me. I chose
you because I like you. You look very beautiful, nice nad kind and intelligent. I hope you can understand my English. If not you can translate at Google Translate. Or I will do it for you now I hope it is not bad.

I wait for your answer quickly. If you do not want I will ask another girl. Thank you.
Kamil

[hideous translation follows]"


First I was like WTF. Then LOL. And then "simple English stories and language books"? Fucking insulting, man. So I guess my mistake was replying to this moron in the first place, but. I'm an arrogant bitch when confronted with something like this. So this happens:

Hi, Kamil,

I'm doing great, thank you. I hope you're doing good as well.
Thank you for your compliments - I feel flattered. But I'm afraid I speak more than just "a little" English and "simple English stories" will no longer cut it for me. In fact, I would need an extremely advanced language book to learn something new. And playing a call girl for somebody is the last thing in this world that could make me drop my work for a whole month, no matter what the promised payment might be. In addition, I have a policy to not live with a man I don't know (or barely know), so that part of your offer is in high discord with my value system.

Also, - and I do apologise if this comes off as insulting, but - your English isn't good enough for you to be an actual teacher - you have such grating mistakes in the email. I just have a very hard time believing that this is the knowledge level of an actual English teacher.

Now, maybe somewhere out there is a girl who would gladly agree to your conditions, but it's not me. Sorry. And best of luck for you elsewhere.

All the best,
Laura

P.s. The Google Translate turned your letter into something highly amusing. It insists that you're actually a woman. Thank you for the (unintended) laugh."


Google translate also turned me into a man, so that was another thing for me to face/palm over. I should probably re-translate the translation for shits and giggles.

He responds with:

"Hi Laura,

I am pleased you are doing well. We could still seal the deal: you will be my erudite professor and I will be your humble pupil. I am sure you can educate me amply and I will willingly abide by your advanced orders. I am glad that the Google Latvianization gave you some girlish giggles. I value your value system and i vacillate to violate it in anyway. Yes, it is not a usual propsal, but this is the point: why should we let ourseves be overwhlmed by the value systems of our daily routine: endless repitition of the same. I wouldn't have needed to write such a propsal if I had sought a call girl, and you never look like one: I am sorry you surmised such a silly idea. Now you make me really miss being in the companion of a gret character: your piercing eyes, though a bit intimidating, genuinely reflect the soul of a genius. Why do you deny my right to dream, and dream that this dream may somewhat somewhere come true?

Best regards,

K

PS: I didn't Google Translate this as I was afarid it might this time aggressivly insist that you are accidentally a man and this would make me cry. But you can try it to see what would happen!"


FUCKING TABLES-TURNING CHEAPO. I can see "I pay you for sex" coming a mile away. Also, lol TOO LATE. GOOGLE TRANSLATE ALREADY REFERRED TO ME AS A MAN FROM THE GET-GO.
Also. "girlish giggles". Girlish. Giggles. Man, I want to fucking kill you at this point. >/
And it all concludes with:

"A no is still a no, and it will remain a no no matter what kind of arguments you come up with.

Live with it."

"An iconic English judge says when a woman emphatically reiterates 'no,no' three times, it definitely means 'yes'."

"Maybe, but there were four 'no's, so that theory falls through.
And in any case - that judge deserves a kick to his stomach for being a chauvinistic pig."


(I was going to say balls, but. IDK why I changed my mind and tamed myself there.)
And lo, and behold! The grand conclusion:

"Hi Laura

Four no's according to that judge's theory means entusiastic yes. However I agree with your judgement and I am glad you are a feminist and there is a sof feminine side to your dogmatic intellectual arrogance. I am sure had you been my wife we would often have had strong sensible arguments ending everytime with erotic peace-making and strengthened mutual respect. I really admire your sharp mind, mild underneath sensuality and jealous self-confidence and wonder just 24 hours with you, what a wonderful expereince might be. You deserve all respect and I wish I could kiss your tender fingers to show it. Forgive me if I have offended you in any stupid way. You are uniquely you and would stay so. Big pardonic hug. Have a good night!"


Yeah, moron, and - for future reference - don't send this letter to two girls at the same time - of which the second girl's email was added six five times. Man, she must've been happy receiving five copies of this.
I didn't reply. Why bother feeding trolls and idiots?

Latvia = the land of cheapest whores. This is an actual fact. Men from all around the - Europe certainly - world come here to fuck our girls who ask for it... pennies.
Such a great country we are where everything is expensive as hell. Except for the girls. They're cheap as dirt.

Date: 2011-05-25 09:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
You should have bought sausages - they taste a bit like meat, and are easy to cook! :D

Wow, I'll never look at avocados the same way now O____O

I totally lold at that letter, but that guy is such a creep! And how did he even get your e-mail? D:

Date: 2011-05-25 10:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
...you do know what sausages are made of? Soy, toilet paper, skin, joints, cut-offs, gelatin, and water. Why would I eat that?

Sorry, I suppose. It's just that. My mind is really fucking weird sometimes.

ikr? Hmmm, I suppose I never disabled my profile from the last year's attempt at online dating. Imagine how many profiles that fool must've gone through to dig up something at least a half year old. -.-

Date: 2011-05-26 08:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
Because they taste good and are easy to cook? XD

Lol, I was not eating avocados anyway, but now I never will :D

Wow, he sure was desperate... How pathetic.

Date: 2011-05-28 01:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
Sausage. Taste good. Something's not right here. :'D

Well. You're missing out, tbh.

Tell me about it. -.-

Date: 2011-05-28 04:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
Lol, you probably just never found the right sausage XDD

Nah, I'm not really into exotic stuff like that, tomatoes and cucumbers are good enough for me.

I hope no girls will fall for it... Although you never know, somebody might be stupid.

Date: 2011-05-28 06:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
Hmmm, I suppose not. They don't make the ones I like anymore.

Not even a melon?

You know. I think somebody actually went for this, since he gave up on me. Maybe the same girl whom he forwarded his reply to. :'D

Date: 2011-05-29 05:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
That's a pity :( It sucks when tasty things are not made anymore, I'm still sad they stopped making that delicious Finnish-style bread that I used to eat all the time (it was round and flat).

But melons are not that exotic XDD I eat melons :D

Wow, I hope he gets a nasty disease from whoever agreed to be his companion XDD

Date: 2011-06-01 06:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
IKR? They've stopped making so many awesome candy too! sucker for candy, OTL And and. Dzintars melted cheese with chili. Biggest.Loss.Ever. ;~;


Let's hope his companion doesn't catch any diseases from him instead. Poor moron.

Date: 2011-06-02 12:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
Really? I never noticed, any chocolate with whole nuts is already good enough for me, so I don't pay attention to other things. And I had no idea that sort of cheese flavour existed O_O

Haha, well, if she does, she deserved that for being stupid.

Date: 2011-06-02 07:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
Are you kidding? So many awesome hard candies disappeared! Like Starts and Rallijs, and that Nakts Karaliene or maybe Jaungada - I don't remember the name, just that it had a purple wrapper with golden stars - which was my favourite - a yellow hard candy dipped in dark chocolate alkdsjfkjdaf. Also, a lot of chocolate candy, some of Laima's classics disappeared after the merger and what does it have now, really? Serenāde, Vāverīte, Magone, Vētrasputns, and five-ten more? When it used to have at least 15-20 more names - and the same for Uzvara. Now we have just some cheap Lithuanian rip-offs with a bland taste. >|
Are.You.Kidding? Where you living under a rock? Dzintars had a lot of melted cheese flavours - crabs, mushrooms, vegetables (also not bad, surprisingly), salami, greens, ham. And chili. omg, chili. That was gastronomical pleasure personified. *¬*

Date: 2011-06-03 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
I never liked hard candies... But now that I think about it, there was a chocolate candy Jaungada, too - with a shiny wrapper that had fluffy tassels on both ends. I don't think I've seen it lately, I guess it has disappeared, too :/ Just one more proof of the total collapse of our industry.

Lithuanian candy really is not tasty, but it's cheap, I guess for some people that matters more.

I was not living under a rock, I was eating normal cheese, not this horrible fake cheesy stuff XDD So I wouldn't know about the flavours.

Date: 2011-06-04 10:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
Serenāde was also specifically made for the New Year's with tassels on ends, and so were some others, iirc. For the Soviet-style New Year's. Or something.

If I'm desperate for something sweet and am short of money, I go for cheap foreign candy, orz. But really, any candy is game with me. *horrible*

Normal cheese is boring. Have you tried the green cheese? And the rotting cheese? And cheese sausgae?

Date: 2011-06-05 03:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
But I saw them even after Soviet time XDD Well, maybe it was too soon after Soviets, they hadn't got over the traditions yet.

Yeah, I can understand that XD But I'm more particular about candy, some things I would not want to eat even if I was craving sugar.

I like boring, it's safe XDD I've tried the rotting cheese (ewww, the smell >_<) and the cheese sausage (it is too salty and the texture is not pleasing). Green cheese I haven't tried, but I don't really want to, either XDD

Date: 2011-06-05 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
...man, you don't even remember the Soviet mindset. It wasn't about not getting over the Soviet tradition. It was selling out the year-old stocks. And then people wonder after finding worms in their candy and whatnot. Sheesh.

To each their own, after all.

Green cheese is okay. (Don't know about the powdered green, never tried it; just the regular.) It has an interesting taste and it's on the hard side.

Date: 2011-06-06 07:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
Nope, I don't. Besides, I've never really worked in retail industry, so all those things about selling out the stocks are pretty foreign to me.

True, true.

I haven't even noticed green cheese exists - lol, I am pretty selective about what I notice, I only see what I want to see XDD

Date: 2011-06-06 11:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
But... haven't you noticed that our stores still have Jelgavas cukurs on sale when the factory has been closed for what - half a decade now? o.O Did your grandmother never stack up on zapte to whip it out two years later and claim it was still good and edible (most of the time it is, tbh)?


Maaaaan. You're missing out on so much. You're not into discovering new things, I presume?

Date: 2011-06-07 09:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] denshi-no-ultra.livejournal.com
Hmm, I thought another factory just continues using that brand name... That's different, that stuff can keep for ages XDD

Lol, not really, I prefer the safe and well-known old things... I might be missing out, but since I don't know what exactly I am missing, it's totally ok :DD

Date: 2011-05-25 09:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] acidicdemonmilk.livejournal.com
I enjoy avocado, but I never thought that they tasted meaty at all. How did you cook it?

If anyone has to put the phrase "it's not sexual" in something, it probably is in some way. Thats totally fucking skeevy.

Date: 2011-05-25 10:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
I didn't cook it. I ate it raw. ...wait, why would you even /need/ to cook it?

Yeah, like "stay with me in a hotel or apartment" isn't a dead giveaway. Pffft. What, they think that because half of my nation is blonde, we all have brains the same size as chicken's? Please.

Date: 2011-05-25 10:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] acidicdemonmilk.livejournal.com
My mother grills them.

Why the hell would they even ask a translator for that? Why not, you
know, call an actual escort service?

Date: 2011-05-25 10:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
Hmmm, I guess that's why you don't notice the raw taste. My coworker raved about how great they are fresh in salad, so I wanted to try out her recipe. And now I have an avocado stone that looks like a murder victim.

I guess he just clicked on random profiles and sent out his letter en masse thinking maybe one fish will take the bait. Oh, I'm sure escort service will cost him more than 50 euros a day.

Date: 2011-05-26 02:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] smilypie.livejournal.com
Lol, I hate avocado. It's gross and fdkjksldj I don't get it. And it pretty much instantly looks like it's spoiling which is not appetizing. At all.

And good god those letters. Just. Wow. Ugh. I don't think I have a good enough insult for someone like that. =|

Date: 2011-05-28 01:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
IDK MAN. On day two it seemed already okay.

I was pretty much torn up between throwing something and just banging my head against the first solid surface.

Date: 2011-05-26 10:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sphinxofthenile.livejournal.com
Egads. Reading these letters leaves me torn between feelings of bwuah and non-girlish giggles. You rock.

Date: 2011-05-28 01:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lightrobber.livejournal.com
TY. I felt like murder, tbh.

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